-name: Christina
-age/dob/sign: 19/ 08-05-1988/ Leo
-gender: Female
-work/school: i am currently working at a grocery store and going to school. but in about 2 weeks i wont be working anymore. so i am pretty much just a full time student and at community college
-location: California
-e-mail: cahollowell@gmail.com

-Contact: email me for adress
-main interests: Music, books, anything artsy, going to concerts, playing guitar. i'm learning sign language
-described as: happy. kinda. considerate, loyal, outgoing.
-TV shows: House, The Office, The best years, degrassi, South of nowhere
-music: anykind of musical. i love Rent! Dashboard Confessional is my favorite band. anything in the rock or country catagory too
-movies: Garden State, Love Actually, Moulin Rouge, RENT!, Fight Club
-books/authours: oh man! anything! i love reading! one of my favorite authors is Meg Cabot
-art/artists: Van Gogh
-other random favorite people/things/places: I traveled to Chicago in Febuary of this year and i fell in love with this city!
-collect: movie stubs, keychains, concert stubs, anything like that.
-prefer long, medium or short letters?: any pretty much!
-How long letter will you write?: however long it takes me to say what i wanted to say. so usually kinda long
-do you trade fbs/decos/slams/atc cards?: uh i dunno. i'm up for anything


-What sex do you want them to be? Doesn't matter
-What religion do you want them to be? it doesnt matter
-What age do you want them to be? 18-26
-Snail mail, e-mail pals, or both? prefer snail mail
-Where do you want them to be from? anywhere!!!!!!!

okay the ringtone for my phone has been playing over and over and over again in my head. i keep looking at my phone and it isnt really ringing. but in my mind it keeps getting louder and louder and louder. should i be concerned?

it starts

and no one needs to know

i do this for me
and for me alone!


and if anyone has any problem. they can kiss my ass!


i feel free!

and better


and i feel a work out comming on tonight!

as of today...i am no longet a slave to my insecurities. i love myself for who i am and anyone who does not is of no bother to me. i am a happy strong person who loves my life and myself and no one can tell me differantly. my weight today is : 185lbs. i will lose. i will lose...run now...

so that was a bad case of food poisoning. at least thats what i believe it was. i'm actually pretty positive. i blame bad judgement sunday night. but yeah i had to work at 9:30 yesterday morning. ha ha ha there was no way. but i had to go. so i went in and they told me to go home at 10. i looked like shit according to Sean. who by the way was right, i had no make up. my hair was greesy. i probably smelled and i was pail and just looked aweful. it was bad. yeah i really need to go take a shower now. i still havent been able to keep down food. i tryed a caracker yesterday. and wanted to throw it up so badly but didnt. so that was good. and the only solid i have eaten for over 24 hours. but yeah i have been drinking gatoraid all morning. so thats good :)


ugh. i cant believe i went into work looking so bad.

Christina:

Hey I had a good time yesterday at coffee.

I have been thinking that I see you more as a friend rather than getting serious. I think you are cool to hang with, but after reading your e-mail again, I don't think I can give you the time you need and deserve.

I hope we can be friends and get to know each other still.

Jason


---reply----

hun that e-mail was just to get you to call me. just once. i know i shouldnt have written it...but i do like you. as hard as that is for me to say because i have been fucked over in the past.

i was thinking about it yesterday and i really like the whole taking it slow thing. i've never done that and its probably what i need more than anything.

but hey, friends i guess is better than nothing.

we have had coffee twice how can someone tell. ugh. i like him. at least i was starting to. but it looks like it is all over. fuck it. i guess i am just friend material

okay so today is my second official date with Jason. i am uber excited. we were suppost to be going to lunch at least that is what we have had planned since friday but now i called him this morning like at 10 and he said oh i thought we would just have coffee is that okay? uhhh. sure why the hell not. here i am stressing about making a good impression and eating in front of you and then you change it on my on the flipping day! UGH. like i told my sis maybe i am just reading too much into it. but you know oh well i need to go wash my hair but you know now i really dont want to. slept in till 10 thinking we were going to go at 11. fuck it. i hate the "dating" process. it sucks. LOL. oh and by the way i <333 the used! oh and 30 seconds to mars.


yeah ugh i feel like i got hit by a train. ha ha i told Andrew that i need to stop hanging out with him. he was so fucked up last night. and hey i wanted that beer. a lot. lol. and a cig. yey. i swear i was close to kissing him. fuck guys in relationships. ha ha ha no not literally because they are faithful. and i will be too once i am in a relationship of my own. but you know. for now i am now. so that is fine with me.


should he be so flaky at 25? Jason i mean. not Andrew.
because if he isnt shy is he ust flakey?

Fuck.


i really am reading way the heck too much into this. and i think i hear people down stairs but i think its just the neighbor. ugh my stomach is starting to hurt. and my leg is tweaking maybe cuz i didnt eat relativly anything yesterday.

he makes me smile. right?


ugh. i'll tell you how it turns out.

and i so dont want to work today. i feel like crap

you know i have been useing that phrase a lot lately....and i wonder to myself why. what does it matter the way i see something. i see myself and think oh there is nothing really wrong with me, but thats not true. i am fat and ugly and the world knows it. i feel outside myself when i am at work and with other people. i really need to just fast and stop eating. ugh. i need to stay away from the kitchen. whether that be by staying out later or by just going to my room after work and staying there. no food. i can keep it up all day when i am busy. but then when i get home after work i just eat and eat. i cant help it. ugh. and then i go and purge. thats it i need to do something. ugh! i feel discusted with myself!

i post way too much about guys. but seriously until i find a sutor for myself that is all i ma after in life. someone i can call mine. anyway....tonight laura and i went to dinner and we went to her boyfriends work. well her boyfriends boss...like 22 year old guy. so cute. was totaly checking me out all night :) so i ended up giving KC-laura's boyfriend- my number to give to this KEVIN guy. random i know. but KC said that Kevin told him that he would be calling me. WOW i'm excited. screw waiting around for a phone call from jason now i am waiting for one from Kevin. LOL. that totaly made my night...

Current Mood: amused